How can I describe how I'm going crazy to people unless they have actually experienced this at some point in their life? When a TV show being over means you have to face realities that exist in your life that are JUST like the ones in the show, you can't sleep ever (except maybe sometimes in the day when you don't even want to be asleep), and your therapist tells you that you might be manic even though you get nothing done. At least someone who is manic can manage to get shit done, I just fantasize about all the stuff I could be doing but then I find myself three hours later, wondering when I got here. I almost jumped out of my bed, throwing the computer off of my lap, because I had such a nice idea. I can't decide whether I should multitask or just work on one thing at once. Did you know there is really no such thing as multitasking? (On a side note Leave by Jojo just came on my pandora mix so it's a sign that I will stay blogging).
It's hard to be the person to ignite the letting go process. Especially if the other(s) don't/doesn't feel the same way.. There's nothing you can do to change your feelings. If you tell yourself that you'll be okay making others happy, that just isn't going to work. I spend a lot of my time trying to not hurt someone else's feelings (Unless I actually am trying to get a point through to someone, sometimes you have to be a huge bitch for people to listen. Not always) and sacrificing my own, but that only ends up hurting everyone in the long run, even you. you may think it won't, but I know what I'm talking about, almost. The ending to this era of my life has not yet come, so I don't quite know the final product of what happens when feelings change, but I have a feeling I'm at the peak of the story, and quite frankly, no one is happy. My family is not happy seeing me go crazy, my friends are not happy with my indecisive feelings, my significant other is not happy that I don't know how I feel, and I'm not happy that I don't know how I feel. I'm sure a stranger would be completely happy with me because I'm pretty funny, if I do say so myself. But not too long after you find a stranger, they stop becoming a stranger, then they are no longer happy because I am not happy, then I find out why I should be sad for them, too. This is what happens when you (A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton just came on my Pandora.) try to keep your feelings hidden for as long as possible. Basically, nothing good. Think about it logically, how COULD something good come from lying to yourself and others? Nothing. Now, I'm not saying you and your boyfriend/girlfriend/drumset get into a fight and that night you're all like "I DON'T THINK I WANNA DO DIS ANYMOE." Well, you might just be emotionally unstable and unable to make those kind of decisions, so why don't you just cry until you are ready to think with a clear head. Some people don't have clear heads even at the clearest of times, (me) so you just kind of have to work with what you have.
Some things that make me happy when I'm sad:
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| "You're not like all da otters!!" |
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ8IethsyIQ
- online shopping
- watching Ugly Betty
- dressing up
- crying
- sleeping
- running
- any sort of art making
- listening to music I used to listen to not long enough ago
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