I have not been able to sleep at all these past few days. It's such an odd sensation I get when I'm trying to go to sleep. It's like I feel how soft and calmed my body becomes as if I was sleeping, but my mind is wide awake. My thoughts come as if I were just sitting in class during second period or something. (Second period being lunch time since we only have four classes a day and we start at 9:00 am). I just laid in my bed last night for hours on end, thinking about how serene my body was, and how much I enjoyed it completely. That being said, my physical state was the only thing I've enjoyed about not being able to sleep. It just feels like I'm going crazy all the time because I'm so tired.
Do you ever have those moments in your life where you just want to do some damage? Like, go out and pick a fight with some random person who could probably kick your ass, or cut off all your hair, or give yourself scarification? I get that feeling a lot. It's almost like that is the perpetual feeling of my life. The other night I sat in my bed, looking up how to give yourself scarification and how to sanitize and take care of it. I may be a badass in the sense that I get a thrill from self harm, but I'm not trying to accidentally poke a major artery or get a giant infection where later on in my life I won't have a scarified heart or something I'll have a lump of bubble skin. No one wants bubble skin, because it's fucking gross. I mean sure, maybe someday you'll meet someone who will appreciate the story behind your deformed epidermis or maybe someone has a fetish for any kind of lump and/or bubble. That probably/most likely/99% sure that won't happen to you. So be careful or get in professionally done. After looking up how difficult it could be to scarify myself, I then considered branding myself. The only problem with that is, I don't have a pretty metal shape I'm okay with imprinting into my skin permanently. I love Jackass, but I don't think I could just let anyone brand something on me willy nilly; like a penis. on my ass. (Haha isn't it funny I said "willy nilly" then talked about a penis?) I tend to resort to punching myself in the face in Latin class due to my boredom. The person to my left, Shani, also enjoys chewing on her tablet. So there we are in the middle of Latin class; me punching myself in the face and Shani chewing on her tablet, both of us cracking up. It's quite a scene, and I think the teacher just doesn't know how to handle it so he laughs and leaves us alone. FINE BY ME.
I think I'm going to India next summer for three weeks. My Latin teacher wants to take some students over there for culture research, and I thought it sounded really nice. YES I know that India is disgusting, but I seriously am so in love with it. I admit, I hadn't put a great deal of thought into going to India until one of my other teachers came up to me out of the blue and says "Sydney I recommended you to go on that trip to India!" My heart... was touched. I could've cried tears of joy right there, but I held them back. (They never resurfaced.) And now, to end the story, I'm dead set on going to India. I will also get a bitchin' tan.
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