Go with your instincts along with some bad advice.

It's funny how I always seem to put makeup on and take pictures when I'm supposed to clean my room. I feel as if all teenage girls have this problem, but I could definitely be wrong. (I don't think I am.) I almost straightened my hair last night because I couldn't sleep, but I decided against it, which was probably a good thing because 1: No ones hair needs damage just for the giggles at midnight and 2: I would've needed a blow dryer because you already KNOW my hair takes forever to dry on it's own, and my mom might come question why I'm not asleep, which leads into a whole discussion that I don't want to get into on how I just don't sleep sometimes.

 I literally have no clue how to work Photoshop, even though my mom works at a university so she got the whole Adobe suite or whatever it is. I was on the brink of figuring it out the other day, but then I stopped getting it to work how I wanted, and then I thought I saved it but I guess I didn't. I made sure it said .JPEG but it still didn't save? I don't know. I believed we've already established that I'm retarded, but that shouldn't stop me! If you ever don't believe in yourself, just think about how the Special Olympics is a real thing and that you can overcome anything. I'll try to take my own advice on that, as well.

You can't get a grip if there's nothing to hold

The last few days I've pretty much been stuck in my house. The temperatures and amounts of snow on the street are "dangerous". Not saying they aren't, it just sounds so silly to me. There's been no school and this week is review week for finals, where I should be getting study guides and fretting over things like "how am I going to pass my AP Calculus class when I never learned anything for me to remember?" Instead I have sat/laid in my bed either by myself or with my boyfriend and watched movies. Or thought about blogging but then never getting around to it. Even now I think something that really motivated me to sit down and write is so I can avoid working on art, which is damnear the only assignment I had over break. (Hinting at the fact that my finals are after break for some reason.) Well you know what? Artists block is a THINg and I HATe it. Once I finish a piece of art I feel like I'm not really done, but I need to move on, but starting a piece of art is the hardest part. Maybe I'm just a bitchboy. I've even begun to clean my room and rearrange in order to ignore everything else I have to do while feeling good that at least I'm not sitting on my ass all day long. It feels good to do something productive, whether it's the type of productivity that is demanded in a time frame, I choose to ignore.

Yesterday was the first day I put on actual clothes, didn't shower sometime after 5 pm, and put on makeup. I guess maybe I did all that because I had to work yesterday, which I wasn't even sure if I was going to have to work, but I did. Yuck.

Today was the first day I've actually decided to put on clothes and makeup FOR MYSELF. It hurts that I'm wearing as much black as I am. I hate wearing black, and what do I hate wearing more than black? GREY. Black can at least be classy but for some reason grey looks so cheap and I don't even know what to put with grey. What even comes in grey besides weirdly shaped cardigans and knit turtle necks?? I'm pretty sure nothing. (okay there are few things that are cute with grey but they're so out of my fashion league ((price range)) it's not even funny.) (When did I decide it was okay to go back to parenthesis within parenthesis?) I honestly don't really remember how I got to the point of accepting a black shirt and black pants in the same outfit today, but it happened and I think I'm just gonna roll with my edgy look I've got going on. I needed SOME color, because, hey, it's me, am I right? right guys? *douche bag laugh* hu hu hu hu.

I've been trying so hard to not touch my hair and let it grow out, so I have darkish brown roots and strange, bland rest of hair. Well, if it's already been tainted, why not do something with it? I colored the body of my hair that has already been touched by color red, and left my roots to grow out. I spent so long in my house this week, being bored, trying to think of ways to change my appearance without damaging my progress roots or mutilating myself that i will regret later. Then, I'm struck by my brilliant idea that should've come sooner but at least it came! Fashionably late. (hu hu hu.)

I have an app to edit photos and I suck

This isn't even my room. 

It's my mom's room.

I lent my camera out to a friend, so the phone will have to do. not that my outfit has any particular detail that needs to be caught by a more complicated lens. (I'm now refusing to say the "i" in any apple product. I just refer to things as "the pod" or "the pad" or "the phone".)

The other day when I finally put contacts in and makeup on, I told my boyfriend how good it felt to finally get ready. Of course the response was the "blah blah you look nice no matter what blahblach" well, that is all very nice to hear but that's not really where I'm going with this. I actually said "I don't look like myself when I don't have makeup on." and I've been thinking about that a lot. I don't really know how to react to it. Should I feel shocked that I don't feel/look like myself when I am completely and naturally myself? Or do I take a different approach and know that makeup and clothes are my expression and what creates me? That's how I see myself, and just because I didn't come out of the womb like that doesn't mean that it isn't me? I don't know how to take it. I'm still debating which road to take. I understand both conflicting arguments in my head, but I think I'm leaning towards I am what I make me. If I think it's me to wear what I wear, and style myself how I style myself, then I am me. A painting is on a white canvas, but is made up of paint. The art is not complete until the artist says so, with however much or little medium they decide to put on it. I think that is my final decision.

You worry about the wrong thangs.

Shoutsout to Christmas Hauls!

Just kidding.

This is what I did with myself Christmas Eve night and yesterday when I went to hang out with my family to watch a football game.

Tried an upper white lip first. lol. didn't work out too well. 

look how creepy this is! haha! 

Is it too obvi I used photobooth for this?

Fuck if I ever learn how to fucking work this site. 

And the forests will echo with laughter

Take a second to think of some difficult life tasks. I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that you didn't put Christmas shopping on your list, even though you definitely need to. That shit has everybody stressin. There are so many people you feel like you should get something for, because they at least mean a little bit to you. They mean enough to want to show them they are appreciated, but sometimes you don't know what to get them. Sometimes, your paycheck can only afford a few people at a time even when you don't put any money into your savings just because you know you'll need it for Christmas shopping. There's also the issue I quite frequently run into where you go shopping for other people then see something you really want that's on sale so you get it, then immediately feel guilty you didn't save that money to spend on someone else or to put in your savings. Why do I need more things? Christmas is coming and I still have half the people on my list to find gifts for! I also have higher end taste, so it's hard for me to just choose some shotty present just to say I got someone something. It's funny because I'm currently shopping for people and saving links to things that I can't afford right now but will be able to once I get my check for this week.
Then what do you do if someone you didn't plan on getting for gets something for you? You feel so bad because now you're in a pickle! You want to get them something but you don't have the money, and you can't push everyone else on your list back. What do you even give that person?

My little solution to it all, is get for immediate family and significant other first, others will understand when their presents aren't there on Christmas. At least let's hope so.

In other words this whole post is for this: 
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wed1lI3B7Xk

Into this world we're thrown.

Lately, I've felt like I have a lot of knowledge to share with people. I always want to talk about something. Yet, why is it when I sit down to blog, I can't really figure out what to say? I'm not quite sure why that is. That wasn't some sort of rhetorical question. Somewhere along the lines something happened in my brain, shutting off all creativity and sass I held for writing. Should I blame my AP Language and Composition class? I guess I could, but I don't know if I want to. I would rather force myself to sit down and write than find a reason why I can't sit down and write.

Do you ever have a teacher that says some good shit but then other times you're like "This bitch is high on bullshit,"? That's my sociology teacher. It's a college course, she teaches at a community college down the way. She'll stand there (more like she'll lean against a desk in a way that looks really uncomfortable because i feel the corner of the table is poking her butt) and will talk about case studies or people she works with, or a lot of straight to the point sociology/communication stuff and I totally agree with her. Then there are other times when she says things and I have to keep my mouth shut, then after class find this girl and we bitch about how mad she made us. One time when we were talking about the Industrial Revolution she brought up how people in other countries are getting more jobs for making things (i.e. clothes, toys, cars, etc) and how it's not right that our American jobs are being taken by other country people because they think Americans are "too expensive." She was just ranting about how we were being played so dirty. I just wanted to be like, "It's not that we're too expensive, it's that they're abusing those people in those countries! Those people working in factories are not making then money they need to live. We shouldn't be upset about how they're taking our jobs. We should be upset they're being taken advantage of." Of course I kept my mouth shut. And again kept my mouth shut when she talked about how it wasn't Walmart's fault that they had lead in their toys because they weren't the ones making it, China was. Oh my lawd I almost walked out that day! Don't you think it's a company's responsibility to know WHO'S making their products, HOW they're making them, and WHAT they're making them with? I sho do! But, hey, what the fuck do I know? (I'm not a Chitown nigga with a nice flow but that sure would've been convenient if I was.) The other day, she mentioned how we've had a cure for cancer for about 40 years now, but the medical companies don't want to release it. Medical companies do some FUCK UP SHIT. But, I don't exactly believe we've had a cure for cancer that long. Sometimes, when people get mad at her, I believe they might just not really be understand completely what she's saying. She frequently talks shit about Obamacare, and people will role their eyes. It's true, though. Obamacare isn't going that well... at all. She never said why she thought it was going poorly! She's not talking shit about Obama, and she's not praising any Republican "enemy" of his, but for some reason people get offended by what she's saying. They're assuming she doesn't like Obama because she's talking shit about Obamacare when she really never said anything of the sort. People jump to conclusions quickly. It's just strange how one day I can really dig what she's saying, and feel completely absorbed in the lecture, then other days I just space out because I know if I listen I'm just going to get more and more frustrated. Life be like that sometimes.

It's a great day for genocide

The worst part about a technology-filled society is that I'm fucking techno-tarded. I don't know shit about how to work a computer or go about fixing something that's broken. Every time I think I'm having a major break through, a little box pops up and tells me something has gone awry. Awesome. When I try to go and get help, it seems that no one around me knows what to do, either. Is anyone even trained on technology??? Like, seriously, (okay maybe not seriously). But, it feels like half of us know what the hell we're doing, and the other half are just waiting for someone to tell us what to do. How am I supposed to rely on technology in my society when damnear a select few are the only ones who know how to work it? There's no way we can run on computers and smart phones if we don't know how to properly work them. It's like trying to turn America into a country where we rely on horses for everything, but most of us don't even know how to get on a horse, let alone know how to ride one. It just doesn't work! The people who should be in charge, the ones with the best morals and are at least fairly intelligent, can't do so if they don't know how to work a freaking piece of technology. Then again, I'm sure you can hire someone to do it for you. Still, why should it come down to that? We don't all speak different languages, we shouldn't need a fucking interpreter.

I was at the Microsoft store yesterday and the day before because my computer was 1) broken and 2) hates me. I can't figure out how to do anything on this laptop. Windows 8 is so complicated, and apparently I need a Microsoft account to do everything. It won't even let me download the Skype app and log into my previous Skype account, it's telling me to make a new one to go with my Microsoft account. The people at the Microsoft store couldn't even find a way around it. Does that make any sense? I want a computer that let's me do what I have to do, not make a whole new identity. If I wanted that, I'd ditch this town and call myself Corella as I moved to France to ride elephants in a French circus. When someone who is supposed to be skilled at working with your type of computer and can't even give you an answer as to why they can't help you, something is very very wrong. Then, while they were attempting to get my computer to cooperate, my lock button broke on my phone. Technology should not be this imperative for me that I rely on it every single day to get through. I have to bring my laptop to school everyday to get things done. Pretty sure I was fine taking tests on paper and not having to look things up in class. I know how to get around the system and get on social media sites. (Obviously I didn't figure it out myself, my friend who knows what he's doing set it up for me.) If I can beat the system, plenty of other people can beat the system. Then what do you have left? A school filled with hooligans who already sneak their phones into class all the time, and are now allowed a larger piece of technology to abuse, pretty much with permission. How are they gonna know what you're doing on your own device? They don't. (Well, maybe they can check, but they're not going to unless you give them some sort of reason to suspect you.) This whole idea of BYOD aka Bring Your Own Device is ridiculous. Everyone I know prefers to take a test on a piece of paper, or have something tangible. Not a screen I have to stare at that makes me see stars when I actually lift my head up for fresh air and to give my little girl eyeballs a rest. On the bright side, eventually with evolution we'll stop getting Carpal Tunnel. On the other hand (why isn't it called "the dark side", if we have a bright side, we should have a dark side), that is the only plus, at least the only one I can think of.

Look at me. I take pictures during school all the time and no one says anything to me. That's not okay! I should paying attention in class, but teachers don't seem to "notice" that I'm taking pictures of myself and everyone around me. The last picture is me from like 10 minutes ago, while the rest of my class is taking a midterm test. I got done early and so I started fucking around. The second to last picture was last week, where I was also taking a midterm test. But who gives a fuck what I'm doing on my technology? The teacher is even in the picture. (I promise the teacher is not the one who's head I am squeezing.)

Technology needs a little cut back, I say. 

I tried to be good but I'm just bad bad bad bad bad

Often I find myself with the urge to get on here and rant, but what do I even talk about? I don't really have much to say, or if I do, by the time I sit down to write about it the passion is gone or I forget what I was trying to preach. It happens to the best of us, though. So, the point is; the current post will have no moral significance for anyone. Or at least I have no intentions of such. It's just an outfit post! (ooh my favorite!) I completely lack on talking about style when that's why I made this damn blog in the first place.

aww look at dat qt

I made a head chain! I bought a chain from Michael's, as well as some jumper chain things, and a set of three elephant charms. I just measured around my head, cut the chain, then attached the two ends with the jumper. After that i put the elephant charm on. The head chain is also supposed to have a link that goes over the top of my head, but the chain around fits my head well, and it being like that, it would look a little strange if I just had a chain on the top of my head. I'm going to make another and hopefully it'll work out better. The elephant tickles my head a lot..

The only weird thing about the top photo is the fact that the triangle of colors is pointing straight at my vagina, so you really notice that general area. I know it works like that because I'm in AP 2D art, not because I'm actually informed on the workings of the brain.