Reevaluating your life kind of really sucks. It's like, "Why am I not happy anymore? Why don't I enjoy what I used to enjoy? Is it the season? Is it just me being crazy?" Then you stop and think about everything you do and how it makes you feel. You consult other people (aka my lovely therapist and best friend(s) (plural)). When you're more than halfway through high school and have to evaluate why you aren't the same anymore, it's fucking annoying. What's worse is you realize it's that you no longer enjoy the friends you hung out with all the time. For the most part, it's not that they have really changed. I mean, everyone changes at least a little over time, but it's you. You're the one that's changed. How do you tell people that? Are you gonna give your friends, "It's not you, well it kind of really is you, but it's also me because I've changed and you haven't," line? That's probably not even a universal line. People don't say that shit! It's hard to tell them you no longer enjoy their presence when you've been friends for so long. What makes it worse is that you've grown out of your I'm Da Coolest phase and they haven't, or that you enjoy some of them but not others. "Hey I still like some of you, but not all of you. and I don't like hanging out in a big group with you guys." People don't really take that well...
I'm trying to make myself a better person. My art teacher told me to surround yourself with people who are better than you, that way you'll want to become better yourself and to grow. What advice about friends and social groups could be better? Being around people who are supposed to be friends but say bad things about each other all the time, and don't even want to accept other people that they've deemed not worthy to give a chance, is not surrounding yourself with people who are better than you. Unless you happen to be more of a dramatic high school student than that, in which case YOU need to reevaluate your life. I enjoy spending time with people who talk about funny things they see in the world, not funny things they see in other people. Don't get me wrong; there's a difference between making fun of someone in a silly way, and actually ridiculing someone or just judging them. If someone trips, it's fucking funny, but that's it. If they're okay, you giggle and move on, no big deal. You can fuck around with your friends in a joking way. You can be blunt and mean to your friends in a way that everyone knows that's just how you guys joke around, or that you're just telling them how it is. It really goes further than that. It's bad when people think they're literally above someone else, and I guess that statement goes a little bit against what I said before about surrounding yourself with people who are better than you, but I think of it likes this; you look for the good in people, to see who you admire and see as a great person, and migrate towards them. Don't focus on who's not a good person. If you don't admire them and their ways, they just aren't the ones you should be around.
You have to give people a chance, first, though. In my experience, every time (everytime will always be one word in my heart) I try to put off talking to someone about an issue, it just makes the issue worse. Letting people know is the best thing for the relationship. It stops a lot of heartache and confusion that can come accidentally when you yourself are baffled on your own feelings. Just keep them on the update, if they really mean that much. If you aren't too close then I say FUCKEM. They aren't worth your time and you don't really owe someone who's not a close friend anything anyway. If they confront you, don't lie. No need to go out of your way for conflict, though, especially when all you're trying to do is avoid it in other ways.
I guess what it all boils down to is that you're going to stop at some point and question everything that's going on around you. Sit and ponder. When you've decided on your stance in your life, make a move towards following it. Don't be a bitch. Just do what you have to do to make yourself happy and a better person in the long run.
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