I could rule the pain.

Today, I deleted my twitter. I've been thinking about it for awhile, and although Twitter is a very funny place, and can also be informative (though not with anything that actually matters, honestly) it causes so many problems. People go on Twitter to bitch about their day and their emotions, then others get upset. They're either upset that you're talking about them, they think you're talking about them, you're talking about their friend, what you said offended them and/or someone else, or what you're saying is not funny enough for them. Does that balance out with the good things on Twitter? No. Not really. Twitter was really great at first, you got to follow your friends and other people you think are attractive without being creepy, then say whatever your heart desires. Well, how's that working out for you now? I constantly had to watch my mouth. Sometimes I just wanted to let emotions out (not a good idea) someone gets upset about it. Sorry my pain offends you! Like, it is truly all a bunch of shit. One might be able to say the same about Facebook, and I agree. Some people also take Facebook too seriously, but it's a lot easier to be friendly and stay connected with old friends on Facebook. How can you stay connected with an old friend on Twitter? Even the Direct Messages have a certain amount of characters you can use. People get so wrapped up in Twitter, and upset when someone doesn't follow them back or unfollows them. Hey! I'm so guilty of that! Which was kind of a ridiculous issue. Not even "kind of" ridiculous, it was. My conclusion: Twitter is pretty much a waste of time. The only downside is, that's where I advertised my blog. Now how are people going to know when I put a new blog post up? I doooon't know. ohwell.

I am covered in skin. No one gets to come in.

I'm hurt that anyone who would work toward their race being ahead of any other race would call himself an "Civil Rights Activist." Doesn't that just contradict everything you stand for? You want everyone to be equal, but you're like "oh my race is so great! I love my race!" Okay.. Cool. Guess my race isn't good enough for you, thus implying my race is not equal, or even.. (dun dun dun) inferior. But seriously, what the fuck. Someone like that, *cough Cornel West* is a fraud. Anyone who is not doing it for everyone, is only doing it for themself. My English teacher was talking about him, and said he was indeed a very good man. Well, this brought happiness to my heart! I wanted to go home and look this man up, I wanted to aspire to be like him, though I know I didn't know anything about him yet. Well, I finally got around to looking him up about thirty minutes ago, and to be frank, I was disappointed in not only this man, but my English teacher. How could he call this man a "modern-day Martin Luther King?" There is no such. No such man has come out of hiding to lead everyone in a revolution. There is no modern-day Ghandi, Martin. No modern-day hippies to hold their signs of peace and anti-war. Though, I would gladly encourage anyone to become a peaceful person, willing to protest in a non-violent way. I just cain't get down with anyone who is out there to put someone before everyone else. I'm here to let everyone be equal! I do not support the white man. I do not support the black man. I do not support the Hispanics. I do not support Canada. I support only everyone as a whole and nothing else. Do not call me by anything but my name. I am not in a group unless everyone else is in that group, too. I'm only here to support everyone's happiness and their way of life. (Though I can say that I do not think your way of life should harm anything that does not want to be harmed. If you and your girlfriend want to cut yourselves, um I literally don't give a shit. If it makes you happy, do it!) I am going to be a Civil Rights Activist and I'm going to have Lil B speak at my marches and shit. Also we'll play Erykah Badu and the Beatles and shit. Good times ahead.

Express yaself

Yesterday, my friend Nina came over. I looked outside and saw the sun had been setting for a few minutes, so I was like "Oh shit we gotta go outside it's so nice out. And let's go to the park, too!" On our way to the park, I took some pictures, hoping I'd be able to take more by the time we got to the park, if we could get there fast enough. I should've known. The sun sets too fast for my liking, but when it comes to me and the sun, the sun is always right. So I do no argue. We had to take an alternate route to the park that I'm not used to, because I normally take this rock bridge thing, but the water level was too high. Going a different way killed all the sense of direction I might have, so we didn't end up getting to the park before sunset.. Isn't that sad? But it's okay. I still got to take some nice pictures, enjoy the weather, and... whatever. All that good shit. We go back home, watch some this movie called Tiny Furniture, which I'm still not sure how I feel about it. The movie has no climax, it doesn't really go anywhere. The main character is also really dumb. I don't mind movies with no climax, but I at least wish she could've gained a little knowledge at the end! Like, "Oh man I fucked some guy in a pipe who has a girlfriend, let's not talk to him again. I need to get out of my mom's house because she's crazy and depends on me for too much. I should call my friend and apologize for canceling our living arrangements a day before she got here." No. None of that happened! It just ended.

We also watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That's not a movie that I'm always down to watch, but it is seriously so beautiful. It's one of those situations where I'd hand someone a copy I theoretically own and be like, "go watch this tonight, bring it back tomorrow, and tell me how you felt about it." Then we'd discuss it over some tea. If I want to discuss something over tea, it must really be serious. Then again, I'm kind of always down for a tea party.

I got on the computer a few moments ago with the intentions of putting some of the pretty pictures I took on here, and talking about what me and Nina talked about last night. To my... dismay, THERE IS NOT HOLE FOR MY MEMORY CARD IN MY COMPUTER. Guess who also does not happen to know where her cord for her camera is. ME. My mom only carries around an Ipad now, and my stepdad's computer is literally retarded. If it was a human, it would have an IQ 1 below retardation level. So I'm shit out of luck? Until I "clean my room and find it hiding under clothes," says da parents. They are wrong. I promise I'm pretty sure it's not in my room! We'll see though... If I can find time in my busy schedule of sitting on a chair and contemplating why my mom won't let me get a cello and take lessons. My life is complicated. Ha. I would call myself an optimist, so I do believe I will find that cord some way some how!

In the mean time, I already have nice pictures of me playing in snow when it first snowed.

also we can marvel over my outfit choice.

My skinny, black Tripp pants with zippers and chains fa days, my boy shoes (Sk8-hi Vans) and my Winnie The Pooh sweatshirt. (Also a houndstooth coat, but that's not very important.) I am the queen of boy shoes. I love them so much. Why do boys get the nicer shoes? They're sturdier, and they go with more of my outfits. Don't get me wrong, I DO own a pair of Toms, and I adore heels more than most girls my age, but boys shoes just aren't comparable. I don't put boys shoes and girls shoes into one category of shoes. They are two separate categories, and are NAWT to be compared. It's like comparing... iPhoto and Photobooth. Einstein and Tupac. Eyes and mouth. I can't think of anymore, but I hope I've made my point clear. This is really how I dress on a daily basis. I mix boys and girls clothes, old lady and young hoe clothes. It's just how I am. I'm not a matchy person. Sorry I'm not sorry. One day I'm dressed like a princess, definitely over-dressed for most situations I would happen to be getting myself into, and the next day I will look completely grunge-y. Like, "damn she smells good but her coo clothes make her look like she should be smelly." Sike! I always smell good. Also, I don't dress like a dump. But you know how some grunge-y people are just kind look like they might smell like bathroom carpet or something? Dat ain't me. I don't smell like bathroom carpet.

Onto a more serious note; The Serious Section of the Day. As my friend and I lay in my bed at 11 o clock last night, wondering why it wasn't as late as it felt, we started talking about when people ask for advice. People want to hear advice, but they don't really want you tell to tell them what to do. She has a friend who was talking to this boy, then he hooked up with her other friend. Of course the girl was hurt, but the boy apologized and still wanted to date her. OBVI she had strong feelings for this boy, but didn't know whether to trust him or not. Initially, I was like "hale naw. I already have trust issues, that would be the end of the line for me." But then I really started thinking, it didn't take as long to think as much is it sounds, and I was like, "That's how I would react, but I'm not her. I wouldn't tell her what to do, either. I wouldn't say, 'Don't date him!!' I'd give her the pros and cons I saw in all options she was debating, but I would never tell her exactly what to do." That's true, though! You can't tell someone what to do. If you wouldn't react the same as them in that situation, you can tell your friend or whatever the relation, but you just can't make them do what you would do. I'm not saying "you can't" in a "omg dont do dat!!! it's meannn!" kind of way, I mean literally. They do not have to listen to you. They won't do what you want them to do, just because you want them to do. And if they do, there's something wrong in your relationship, most would call it unhealthy. When people ask for advice or your opinion, they really just want someone to be open-minded, and listen to their feelings, while you put yours in there, without being too pushy.

Sometimes I wonder if anything I say makes sense.

the best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bees

I actually have nothing serious I want to talk about today. What a refreshing change! I should be studying since it's Finals week, but I can't really bring myself to study for any of my classes on my own time. Not that I'm alone on that nasty habit.

I have a bit of advice on buying something that is a little pricey for your budget (especially if it's makeup..) REVIEW THAT SHIT FIRST. I swear I always end up buying expensive makeup that costs wayyyy too much. One time I bought a $30 Too Faced Natural Eye eyeshadow palette and let me tell you that shit barely stays on. I guess I've never tried it with my Too Faced eye shadow primer (dat is good) so maybe I should do that. But so I've been told after I buy this expensive palette, Too Faced is known more for their foundation. WELL. That would've helped me beforehand, wouldn't it have? If I had been a little wiser about things, I would have looked up reviews on what I was interested. But as Ellie Goulding put is so elegantly, "I know that you've been burned, but every fire is a lesson learned." And AIN'T that the truth??? Yes, it is! I feel like I'm having a show like PeeWee and that was my lesson for the day or something. (And the word of the day is "Kissmyass".) For some people, $30 may be nothing. They drop it on the street and go "oh," then walk away. That is not me! I do not want to waste that kind of money, but I mean hey, I learned from it. Also I have a confession to make, it may or may not have been my mom's money. I'm not saying that to be witty, I literally do not remember which one of us bought it. The whole lesson here is; You have a computer, right? Then look up reviews on something you're really interested in buying. Or ask a friend! I have stacks on stacks on stacks *YC voice* of Elle magazines, I'm sure I'm bound to find a review of something in there. Even if I'm just looking up reviews in general just for the knowledge. Something I will say, though, if you are one of those people that can just drop $30 on the street, then try it out yourself. If you don't like it, ohwell. Give it to a friend. Give it to your mom. Use it on your little brother (or sister.)

I spend too much of my time gandering at clothes I cannot afford. Don't you think that is a little bit depressing? I'd say so. (Damn I seriously just typed that really fast, even on my broken keyboard.) I thought to myself, "self, why don't you learn to sew?" Why! I am quite good at these ideas! Oh wait, I think I've tried that before. (not really.) and I don't want to try again. Okay actually the real reason is because I don't know how to put the spool on the sewing machine. That shit is confusing. One time when I was little I asked my mom if I tried out for project runway would they teach me how to sew? She said "I don't think so." She was right.

I took my love and took it down

It hurt my heart a little bit to realize that after that whole long post I wrote, I forgot to mention something I was really thinking about in that car ride home I mention(ed). I was thinking about the advice my step-dad said he'd give me if he could only give me one piece of advice ever. I then thought to myself, "Sydney, what do you think you would say to everyone if you only had one chance to say something?" Of course, funny things popped into my head, but I was like "snap out of it, dookiehead, what would you really say?" and imagine you in the passenger's seat, driving on the high way, at night, looking at flashing lights behind trees and the pretty stars, isn't that such an adorable scene? Straight out of a movie or some shit. So of course with this beautiful view, I have to be all serious.

I decided my advice to all would be: Do not go looking for yourself. Be yourself.

People always talk about how they have to find themselves, but what does that mean? Aren't you already yourself? You just have to experience life and do what you like to do. That is who you are. If you do what you like, and you are happy, you are already yourself. There is no searching? Go take a look in the mirror, there, you have found yourself. You don't need to go out looking for the correct label to stick on your forehead, that is quite unnecessary. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about how other people see you. It does not matter if you are seen as a "hipster" or "weird" or "fucking crazy". you like who you are, then that is all. Also remember, everyone you meet will have a different label for you. You cannot go looking for something that is always changing. Maybe I just don't understand, but I   know what it feels like to be a human, and I think I'm on the verge of figuring a lot out. I will never be ever to learn everything, but my life needs to start now. I'm not trying to "find myself" I'm trying to do what I want. 

Everything I say, you know it's the truth.

I decided that I'm going to try and live a healthier life. I don't quite know how well that will work out, since I just chose to have Pizza Rolls and Phish Food for dinner. To my defense, I am on my period and I can have chocolate for dinner IF I WANT. I really am going to try and get better, though! As soon as all the pizza rolls are done... I know officially that fast food freaks me out, though. When I was like, 10, I didn't eat Mcdonalds for a long time. I swear it was two years, but it probably wasn't. I was proud of myself for not eating there, then I broke down and had some with my step-family, after that it was all down hill. Don't take that to mean I got fat. I most def did not, but you can't say I didn't ruin something good I had going. Fast food has slowly just lost it's appeal to me, and now that I'm really trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I've got to quit altogether. I will not complain, one; because I'm not too upset about it, and two; it's better for me anyway! Whenever I go pee and it's bright yellow I get really upset. I'm just like "Damnit, Sydney! You haven't been eating well! Get it together, bitch!" So, as of now, making it official that I'm going to improve myself, in writing, I say goodbye to yellow pee!

Have I blogged since Christmas? I'm sure I will figure that out AFTER I'm done with this post, but I got a Mac laptop. It was all dandy at first, the fact that it was used does not bother me one bit, but the keyboard is falling the fuck apart. My mom took this shit to the Apple Store in the bougie Fashion Mall about twenty minutes away from my house, the lady there was like "She needs a new keyboard!!!! It will be $90." Well, as it turns out, no one wants to spend 90 bucks on this computer I got not even two weeks ago. My step-dad said that if he could give me only one piece of advice and let the world and experience teach me the rest, it would be, "If you think something is wrong, check it out and try to fix it right away. Do not ignore it." That goes for both relationships, mental health, and the physical things. Good advice, I'd say. It might be what some consider "Common sense" but what is common sense if most people do not have it? It is not common anymore. Anyway, it feels like I'm going blatantly going against his advice by not getting this keyboard fixed. Who's going to pay for it? I'm sure it will have to be me and I'd kind of like time to maybe save up so I don't go completely broke for a week away from this thing and a new computer that works 40% better. Did I use that percentage right? Who knows.

I up by Chicago on Sunday with my dad to visit my aunt and grandma. I don't know how long of a car ride that is, but I think it might be 4 or 5 hours. I no longer have my iphone, so what did I do in the car? I looked out the window and talked to my dad about life. My dad likes to lecture, but talking to him about theories on life is something I very much enjoy. He can talk too much, and he even might give you a lecture on a topic that had nothing to do with what you asked or said. I feel bad for kids who can't sit down and talk to their parents about a thought or opinion they may have. My dad and I spent a good amount of time talking about the death penalty. (My opinions on that will come in a later post.) As we were riding, I frequently desired to have my camera so that I could take pictures of the scenery we were passing. I sorted through problems I'm going through in my head. All in all (is that even a phrase), I enjoyed not having my iPhone in front of my face for me to be checking the whole car ride there. I would've missed out on nice conversation on complicated topics for people tweeting things I will have forget in a few months. I'm beginning to think that the reason me and my friends all get annoyed with each other so often is because we spend so much time together (well not me anymore) virtually and physically. When our bodies are not in the same vicinity, our conversations and thoughts continue through group message. Sometimes we'd communicate through technology, even when we were all together. It's just a little disappointing how much we all miss out by doing this. It's also sad to know that more people than just my friends do stuff like this.

Guess what came for me in the mail yesterday!!! My creepers! also my Serpentina lipstick!! My Creepers came FOUR days after they were scheduled to arrive. They even checked into my town's mail thing at 2:10 am on saturday, but didn't get delivered to my house until Monday. I think that's what upset me the most. You can't expect the mail to bring you happiness as soon as you think, and not even a little past that.

Happy lips = Happy Synnie

Happy feets = Happy Synnie

I think it's bout time you changed your brain

Most of the time when I get one Etsy I'm like "OH MY GOD THAT'S SO CUTE I WANT IT," but then I realize that I can make that myself.. so I've started favoriting things on Etsy or other websites so I can remember to go to make it myself later on.

It's a little strange because for Christmas I got rid of my iPhone and replaced it with a pink Razr. Okay, I didn't necessarily "get rid" of my iPhone. I still use it for instagram sometimes. But, I then also received a MacBook for Christmas. Now I spend my time on this thing, though not as much as I did on my iPhone. It's also not like I can just carry this around with me everywhere and casually check my Facebook really fast or something. So, my life has improved! Now that I have no reason to be checking my phone whenever I get the chance, I notice other people doing that. It's really not that necessary... I play Mortal Kombat with my friends, and whenever they're not playing they're on their phone. I just don't understand. I KNOW I used to be the same way, and I don't understand how I did it. Or WHY I did it. There was no point. Nothing new happened, and even if something new did happen, did it really matter that much? No. It doesn't matter at all. I wish I could rid all this from my life, but cutting down is good enough for me right now. haha. It'd be like if I went from being a carnivore to a complete Vegan. It's just very hard. Baby steps, man. Baby steps.

New Years Eve I went sledding with some of my friends and it was so nice. I thought I hated snow, but I just never put on enough layers before. Now I have like four different shirts and jackets, a scarf, a hat, leggings, pants, and two different pairs of socks. It makes the snow more tolerable.

Merry New Year from me and my purple eyebrows