I say oh my and a boohoo

Everyone has the one person they admire the most, whether it be your mother or your father or your favorite fashion blogger. There are so many characteristics for you to look up to! Their style, maybe, or the way they handle awful situations. Then you reach the downfall of finding certain things they do as disappointing. Thus making it difficult to completely idolize someone. There are people in fashion whose position I want someday; whom I think are amazing people in such a rough industry, and those who blog and I’m jealous that I don’t know designers as well as they do. That being partially my own failure because I could definitely be reading up on fashion more than I do. I think I’m more of a style person myself, and not necessarily a “what’s in” “who designed this and why” kind of person. I read memoirs on these people, follow them on Twitter, and after a little bit I start realizing they aren’t as ideal as I want them to be. Some are too sensitive to a subject I deem overrated. Some aren’t as down-to-Earth as the standards I held for them. But what could I expect? No one can be perfect in a notoriously selfish industry. In fact, no one can be perfect at all.

I did think long and hard about heroes and idols, though. How do we become our own person if we want to do exactly like a person we see? It’s good for someone you wish you could trade places with to have downfalls. Something to make you not want to clone them. You can take what you love about that person and make it your own, without completely taking on their personality. It helps make you who you are or the person you want to end up being someday. Everyone takes little things they see everyday that they enjoy and then take it as their own, and eventually all those different little things add up to make you unique. Having someone to idolize is kind of like that; you see things they do that you like, you begin to act like that as well, but you don’t have to completely become them. You’re still yourself. You can appreciate a human being without wanting to lose who you are. 

Now onto a more serious topic - I'm in Spain and it's seriously so much fun. I came with my boyfriend's family who come every year for like two and a half weeks or something like that. They have a little summer house we're staying in, not a hotel. It's in a teeny wittle town that if I don't even know the title of even though I've been here for two weeks. It's close to Granada, where we actually did stay in a hotel for one night so we could hangout and shop there. Having the money to buy all you want is the best feeling in the world!! It's even better because I worked hard for all the money I saved up.

Jesus welcoming me, shoulders wide open. Bc he has no arms. 

Me, boyfriend, and bf's fam

This is the mountain I climbed to find Jesus

I guess you know the tune

My mom said that she thinks it might be good for America to have war on our own soil because then they/we will finally understand what war is really like and maybe we'll stop wanting to wage it so much. Even just thinking about war being here scares me, though I can't say I am anywhere near a war advocate.

I think it's a lot like how I feel about people who are oppressors, even unintentionally, going through experiences a lot like those who are being oppressed. It's quite the eye opener. I can definitely say that I don't believe all those who have the ability to oppress actually do. Not all straight people oppress people in the LGBQ community. I went to Gay Pride like.. two weeks ago.. and am just now getting around to blogging... but that's really irrelevant at the moment. Plenty of straight people go to Pride, it's all about getting together and celebrating people. I'm sure there are some people that have a problem with it, which I guess I can see where they're coming from, but most people are just there to have a good time and be who they are. BUT since I am straight in a place dedicated to the LGBQ community, I felt kind of bad when I was holding my boyfriend's hand. That wasn't my party, I was just there to support and join the fun. Taking a step back and getting a dust sized glimpse of how my gay friend feels in society, was almost beautiful. I cannot relate in any way. To think about how he may feel, though, it's just crazy. The LGBQ community has it so much worse in other places, where they have to worry about 10x more than just feeling uncomfortable holding their significant other's hand in public.. that is almost quite insignificant compared what others experience on a daily basis. Oppression is oppression, no matter how big or how small, and it all matters. (I feel like Dr. Seus saying that). Even writing this makes me a bit uncomfortable. What if I'm wrong in the way I see things? What if I'm being rude? What if I'm being ignorant? I simply don't know and I don't want to make it seem like I know how other people are feeling. The roles were reversed for a split second and that was a beautiful thing.

on our way (Syd and Anne)

Iza and Syd volunteering at Planned Parenthood booth

Syd and bf with his Danish flag chest volunteering at his AFS tent

Syd and partial crew (Jordan, Olivia, Reilly)

Syd and bf again

Iza and Syd again. We <3 Sex Ed

Eat all the grass that you want

I feel like if you are to compliment someone on their superb vocabulary, you yourself need to use immaculate words in saying so. 

Summer officially started yesterday and I feel like I've gotten 3 shades darker and have accomplished so much since then. I'd say this is a good way to start the summer. Also I've been playing the Beastie Boys in my car so I'm sure that actually contributes a great deal. I only had one final to take and it ended at 11, so I just brought my friend home with me and we tanned, napped, cleaned, then went down to another friends house and river chilled. And of course it had to turn into teen girl time, which I feel every teen girl should have, where we took a bunch of pictures (then obvi proceeded to insta them and get hecka likes aka around 45). Having time like that with your friends is so cute! I'm so sorry to those who have friends who don't want to just sit and act like teen girls every once in awhile. There's the people who only want to act older and think it's cool to pretend not to be in high school, but why not just accept that you are definitely in high school and soak it up while you can? Don't act like a teen girl all the time, no one really wants that. Teen girls are drama-tic and get old real quick, but every now and then I don't see the hurt in it. Laying in the sun and taking cute pictures and talking about all the reasons you love your boyfriend (and of course: economics, the universe, and classic literature). Acting like you don't care about the world or anything pertaining to it is just as stupid as caring too much about every little thing that goes on around you. I'm not perfectly balanced myself, but I am nowhere near either of those ends of the spectrum on a child's mindset in high school. Don't be one or the other. Let some things go, pay attention to others. If only we had a class on Zen in school.

Merman

My arm looks diseased :(

Me, Jordan, Olivia, Shani.
(in order from closest to furthest)

There were oodles more, I just haven't obtained them yet. That is probably for the best since they don't all need to go on my blog.

I've overcome the blow

Sex Education is probably one of the most important things right now. I mean, that's just an opinion, but it's a damn good one if I do say so myself. I was thinking maybe I'm biased because I volunteer at Planned Parenthood, but I really don't think that's the case. I started working there because I thought it was a good cause (and volunteering is always a yes-go). What can go wrong with education about sex and free condoms? Umm. Nothing.
I volunteer at Planned Parenthood in a group called Teen Council, where we pretty much go to this designated meeting place, and learn. We learn about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, STIs, all types of people under the sun, oppression, which is found in all categories, and beyond. I can say it is hard not to appreciate learning in this type of area. It's like when you have a favorite class at school and can't wait to get until that period everyday (unless you happen to be one of those kids who only looks forward to lunch. This happens to be most of you.).

Our session's ending event

Vulva cupcakes (penis cupcakes not featured)

How do I flip this picture with our Sex Ed T-shirts

I think if given the opportunity to join something like this, everyone should. It's so important to more than just you. Spreading all that you learn really helps and saves people. It's not some shit that can be written off. We host events, we attend events, we do fun things, but what we are learning is so important to everyone that surrounds us. A great way to gain knowledge and give back to your community.

We definitely antagonized the Westboro Baptist Church

Now for some pretty pictures of me *aww* ~ 

All my different pictures are jumbled up in there, and since I happen to be one keen on fashion, I should probably share it once in awhile, ya dig?

CHECK OUT MY AP 2D ART FINAL ** IMPORTANT
*WOW
*SWAG
*OMG
*SMH
*BRO

Perfume came naturally from Paris

For my AP 2D Art exam, all of us sat in the cafeteria and scrambled to send in artwork and updated our portfolios online. Except, I'm waiting to submit until next year, so I basically just chilled out and read Rookie Mag and helped other people when they needed it. Then, when just about everyone was finished, I started reading Rookie Mag out loud to people and marveling over crayon lipstick and mock tie-dye. I decided I had to try one or the other, because helloo, my mom doesn't buy everything for me. Thanks, MOM. So, right now one project and one project only is in my budget, thanks to the fact that Coconut Oil is so expensive, as well as a package of Sharpies (needed to make tie-dye). I have minimal containers small enough to hold that crayon lipstick, so I only made two colors in little contact containers, like they use in the article.

I used a pink crayon from this little Neon Crayola crayon box I got from Target for $.99. The lipstick itself looks pretty neon, but when on it's a little dulled down. It's brighter than what appears in the pictures, but at least you can tell it's pink. 

I then thought, what if i put stick cover-up on my lips? Like how I have to do with my lip tar so that my lip color doesn't show through? I attempted that, and it really only dulled down the color, but it still looked really good. It was a strong color, just no longer neon whatsoever. Sorry for my half-vogue face. It's natural.

I also did a light purple, that, once again, looks a lot better in real life (IRL, if you aren't hip with lingo.) I liked that one a lot.

Recognize me as your local bathroom picture taking icon. 

Here I go, putting that stick cover-up under my lipstick. It's even MORE PASTEL NOW. It's all cute no matter what, so you can't really go wrong. Except with maybe a dark color. It probs won't show up.

And here I go with today's outfit, with a skirt I bought yesterday at a vintage store, even though I normally have no desire at all for skirts that are longer than two inches above my knees. Do you know how hard it is to set up a camera in the office of your house and take pictures of yourself on a timer? I dare you to try it. It's a bitch. Especially for someone who isn't very photogenic. I'm jealous of all who are.

~

There are things in this world that just really tear you down; death being one of the big ones. It's just hard to really grasp how much death means to someone until you lose someone as well. I could never wish anyone to know the feeling, and I'm truly empathetic and sorry to those who have lost anyone closer than what I've experienced. What I've seen as a trend is that those who are lost are ones who meant the something greater than those who surrounded them. People needed them, and looked up to them, yet they were the ones to go. Is it maybe because the ones around them needed to finally take their life into their own hands and are now forced to actually live on using the inspiration gained from the ones that meant so much? I'm not quite sure. It doesn't make sense. You can never get those people back. You can only imagine that they are somewhere else. 

Naked is always honest

I'm torn. I hate calling myself a feminist, due to the bad connotation and stereotypes they get, but i am one deep down, i believe. I think girls (AND BOYS) can wear whatever it is they please without being questioned. Why do i care if a girl is walking around in only her bikini? Why do i care if a girl has a plastic vinyl see-through skirt? (That's me by the way.) I dont. What is it to me what you are wearing? It's not my body i have no say. I mean, if you're in someone's home completely naked and they ask you to throw some shoes on, you should because it's their house their rules and that would be the polite thing to do. I don't think girls should have to wear shirts if boys don't. I believe feminism is more of an equality thing than a putting-down-of-men thing.

Where I'm stuck is that I understand where people might be coming from when they judge girls "hoes" from what they wear. DON'T HATE ME YET. I'M

NOT DONE. There are people who dress the way they do for attention. I don't want to judge people for what they are wearing! It just hurts my heart when people wear something to please another. Which i believe is where people are coming from when they label girls as "thots" or "hoes", not saying that i agree with them! I'm saying i see where they're coming from. A girl should not pull down her shirt because she wants a boy (or another girl? Or maybe her parents (different story completely)) to acknowledge her. I want a girl to pull down her shirt because she enjoys her body and wants to show her body. Not because she feels like she has to for anyone to yearn for her presence. So, basically, all I'm saying i can understand why a person might not enjoy a girl wearing something skimpy if they think she's doing it solely for attention. BUT!! I do NOT agree with them judging her for that.  Nor do i think that is really anyone's place to decide exactly why this girl is wearing what she's wearing.

If a boy only wants a girl(s) around because of her skin-showing outfit or because he thinks he's going to get something out of a girl - SHAME ON HIM.

 

SHAME ON PEOPLE WHO DON'T LOOK FOR A PERSONALITY.  

Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself

    Reevaluating your life kind of really sucks. It's like, "Why am I not happy anymore? Why don't I enjoy what I used to enjoy? Is it the season? Is it just me being crazy?" Then you stop and think about everything you do and how it makes you feel. You consult other people (aka my lovely therapist and best friend(s) (plural)). When you're more than halfway through high school and have to evaluate why you aren't the same anymore, it's fucking annoying. What's worse is you realize it's that you no longer enjoy the friends you hung out with all the time. For the most part, it's not that they have really changed. I mean, everyone changes at least a little over time, but it's you. You're the one that's changed. How do you tell people that? Are you gonna give your friends, "It's not you, well it kind of really is you, but it's also me because I've changed and you haven't," line? That's probably not even a universal line. People don't say that shit! It's hard to tell them you no longer enjoy their presence when you've been friends for so long. What makes it worse is that you've grown out of your I'm Da Coolest phase and they haven't, or that you enjoy some of them but not others. "Hey I still like some of you, but not all of you. and I don't like hanging out in a big group with you guys." People don't really take that well...
    I'm trying to make myself a better person. My art teacher told me to surround yourself with people who are better than you, that way you'll want to become better yourself and to grow. What advice about friends and social groups could be better? Being around people who are supposed to be friends but say bad things about each other all the time, and don't even want to accept other people that they've deemed not worthy to give a chance, is not surrounding yourself with people who are better than you. Unless you happen to be more of a dramatic high school student than that, in which case YOU need to reevaluate your life. I enjoy spending time with people who talk about funny things they see in the world, not funny things they see in other people. Don't get me wrong; there's a difference between making fun of someone in a silly way, and actually ridiculing someone or just judging them. If someone trips, it's fucking funny, but that's it. If they're okay, you giggle and move on, no big deal. You can fuck around with your friends in a joking way. You can be blunt and mean to your friends in a way that everyone knows that's just how you guys joke around, or that you're just telling them how it is. It really goes further than that. It's bad when people think they're literally above someone else, and I guess that statement goes a little bit against what I said before about surrounding yourself with people who are better than you, but I think of it likes this; you look for the good in people, to see who you admire and see as a great person, and migrate towards them. Don't focus on who's not a good person. If you don't admire them and their ways, they just aren't the ones you should be around.
    You have to give people a chance, first, though. In my experience, every time (everytime will always be one word in my heart) I try to put off talking to someone about an issue, it just makes the issue worse. Letting people know is the best thing for the relationship. It stops a lot of heartache and confusion that can come accidentally when you yourself are baffled on your own feelings. Just keep them on the update, if they really mean that much. If you aren't too close then I say FUCKEM. They aren't worth your time and you don't really owe someone who's not a close friend anything anyway. If they confront you, don't lie. No need to go out of your way for conflict, though, especially when all you're trying to do is avoid it in other ways.

I guess what it all boils down to is that you're going to stop at some point and question everything that's going on around you. Sit and ponder. When you've decided on your stance in your life, make a move towards following it. Don't be a bitch. Just do what you have to do to make yourself happy and a better person in the long run.