Won't tell me no lies, make me a happy man.

I've experienced 4 deaths within the last three weeks. Three of them were affiliated with, or students who went to my school. Everyone's been grieving so much these past weeks, especially with the most recent death on Friday. Everyone at my school has gotten together to take care of each other and therapists or whatever have been coming in so kids can go down and see them. This is all very sweet! I'm happy to be a part of a community that can support each other. Even with the kids who didn't know the ones who died very well were there to help others. When I signed up for this school they were in love with themselves because of the fact that they called the school "one big happy family." Well, for the most part, fuck that. Then, tragedy struck. Three damn times. Now it's like we really are all family. Those who barely spoke to each other are now getting together and celebrating lives and grieving also. You don't realize how much you need others and need to be there for others until tragedy hits and silences your community. 

I almost wanted to sit here and write how people excluded others and made them feel bad if they weren't grieving, which the second part is slightly true, but it's not as big of a deal as I'm making it sound. I chose not to elaborate on that because I realized that that would counteract what I was saying about the big happy family. I think writing this makes me feel better because as I type it helps me process this more, and realize that everyone is just trying their hardest to get through this rough time. Who am I to comment on anything other than that? I'm proud of everyone at my school. 

But most of all, we at war with ourselves

I sit in class all day and I read Rookie Mag. A few things come to mind, "oh god I can write blog posts about shit I like and not have anything serious to say!" and "I want to paint Tavi Gevinson for my Icon painting in painting class." (The Icon painting is a giant painting I spend 9 weeks doing on someone who is a great influence on society and deserves to be remembered in my school and to represent my legacy. um DUH who else??) After I had this brilliant idea, my art teacher then proceeded to tell me she hadn't influenced many generations. WHAT. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? How about generations in the sense of young kids, old kids, woman, and old woman? Generations of woman?? Okay. I'm putting her on my list to be looked over anyway. He's not the one approving the icons, anyway. The dean does.

I clearly belong in Rookie Mag because I, too, have found a beautiful, "underground" movie about an inspirational badass lil girl. The movie Ladies and Gentleman the Fabulous Stains, which is indeed on Netflix for all who it may concern (damnear everyone), is really great. What's not to like about a group of teenage girls with shitty moms (or no mom) who make a punk band and cut their hair and wear underwear on stage? The main character, Corinne, is the definition of "Bad bitch." She can't even play an instrument, but they join a random tour bus and get laughed at originally, then she takes her coat and hat off, and BAM. Underwear and skunk hair! (rhyme??) Then she gives a speech about empowering girls and for them to be themselves. The ultimate statement is "We don't put out!"or something along those lines of not putting out, and that's all that really matters. Who wouldn't aspire to be like her? Maybe girls that put out.

TRY and tell me she has flaws. *all replies invalid*

I wish I had the balls to start a punk band with a bunch of angry teenage girls, cut my hair, only wear undies, and still convince girls to be themselves and not to put out. Honestly, I would love if I had the luxury of wearing underwear and heels without being confused for a baby prostitute... or worse.. white trash. But I'll never know unless I try, right?

Of course there are parts of the movie where she gets her head in a little fog, but what kind of story would it be if there wasn't some drama and misfortune made by the main character? Everything gets back on track, though. I promise.

It's like she's a more punk, bitchin' version of Lady Gaga. Way way more hardcore, but I can't keep that thought from surfacing in my mind as I watch the movie and think about it. People may complain about Lady Gaga, but HEY, you aren't out there telling everyone their beautiful and wearing meat are you?? (If you are then that statement does not apply.) Check yaself. 

A blog is not complete until the blogger has attempted the look. Key word: attempt. 

California dreamin' on such a winter's day

When you have a blog you really get an understand of how uninteresting your life can be sometimes. I've spent a week thinking about what I should blog about, then I remembered I took some nice pictures so... Guess we can deal with that!

There's always that moment of "I just had a photo shoot (two weeks ago) and now I'm finally going to download all the pictures onto my computer and they'll be GREAT." 15 minutes later, after you've downloaded all the photos to your computer and deleted half of them because they were gross, what are you left with? Well, half the photos you started out with. Other than that, NOTHING. It's literally so disappointing! I'm pretty sure every girl goes through this, too. 

You would be right in assuming that these were the only (mostly) appropriate photos I could find that were nice. Let me tell you, doe, that I did not tag that graffiti! Even if I had, I wouldn't claim it publicly, but you can definitely believe me because I only have black spray paint. 

It's sad for a shopaholic when they want to go shopping, or spend their time online shopping, BUT THERE'S NO ROOM TO PUT THE CLOTHES SHE HAS ALREADY. Story of my freaking life!

I say when

Look at me, blogging in school. I think by definition that makes me a rebel. Sorry, but I think I'd rather be reading Rookie Mag on this BWM (Brain Washing Machine) aka Tablet they gave me, then blogging about it, instead of watching a show about white guys building railroads. Though, they DID have Tim Gunn speak in the show, and I love him too much. I get homesick as I read these articles on Rookie because I just want to go home and wash all those clothes I just got at the Goodwill Outlet, then put them all on and take pictures. Why can't I be a beautiful, inspiring babe like Tavi or Arabelle?? I'm beautiful, I'm a babe, and I inspire, but it just doesn't come together for me quite like it does for them! Wah. I'm sure I'm just one of 459870398765049utrgj9 girls that think this everyday of their life.

As I was writing that in school, the teacher closed the class all of a sudden so I didn't even get to finish my sentence. Ohwell, I can't complain because it's not like I lost all that I wrote.

I got my Lip Tar to look like I want it to! I wasn't going to give up so easily, as I would if this was an organized sport. (I am indeed in Track, trying as hard as I can to not quit like I've done with damnear every other sport.) My friend Rachel told me to try putting cover-up on my lips before putting the Lip Tar on. Well, guess who couldn't find their only foundation, and has never even own a cover-up stick before today? THIS GIRL. So I just bought a cheap Maybelline Cover Stick at Marsh or something, came home, and immediately went to try it out. After, of course, I Instagram-ed a picture of the Limited Edition Chocolate and Strawberry Special K cereal. LITERALLY, WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE? You may have said that in a Rihanna voice in your head as you read it, if so, I'm happy. It said "Limited Edition", and there were only four left, so my step-dad said I should buy two... I did. I don't know whether to be like "yeahhh bitch got me two boxes!" or to be like "well... I don't know what to say to you, self." I'll try not to over think it. Back to the Lip Tar subject - I'm really glad my friend gave me this bit of advice because it definitely saved me from going out and buying $20 or more Lip Primer. Sure, some time in my life I will probably end up buying Lip Primer, but now is not the time! I have much better to things to be saving up for, like an antique Air Force jacket. (It looks bootyful on me!)

If you look at this picture, and the picture in the last post, you can tell how much whiter and nicer the Lip Tar looks when I put the concealer stick on under it.

TA DA!!!

Here I am, with my significant other, about to go out to a restaurant. (with my mom and brother.) I just feel like I started this blog to talk about my style and fashion, so I need to keep up with the keep up. Another day will have to be spent reviewing all my Goodwill Outlet purchases, though.

Paranoia strikes deep.

What kind of blog do you take me for? Looking at the last few posts I might say a boring one. But I have exciting news, now!

Don't you love when you order something online and you expect it on a certain date, but it comes earlier? You see a package in front of your house and the first thing that comes to mind is, "moveeee, bitch, get out da wayyy!" But, you try to refrain from saying that because your mom is probably around. So you just jump out of the car extra early, snatch your package, then yell at your mom to hurry up and unlock the door so you can open the package in a more suspenseful way. What if the package doesn't have your name on it? Well, then you just kind of throw it on the ground and step on it because NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR PACKAGE. The omg-my-package-came-early feeling is just as good as the omg-where-the-hell-is-my-package feeling is bad. That has also happened to me, and I literally threw a tantrum everyday. Okay, not really because that's weird, but I wanted to. That's what it felt like on the inside! Though I'm sure most can relate. Unless you aren't a total bitch. (tuh.) 

I got my OCC Lip Tar!! I got the Feathered one! It's white. It's a lot smaller than I expected, but I heard you didn't have to use that much, sooooo, whatever I guess. You best believe I looked up hella reviews on this stuff before I bought it. (I only had 17 in my checking account and the Lip Tar is 16... I must spend wisely.) Every source pointed to this being THAT SHIT. (in a good way.) So I go to put it on and it definitely shows my lip color under it... I mean, from far away it's just like "white lips!" but not even that up close you can tell... Maybe I'm just liquid-lipstick-tarded, but it also kept getting all on the outside of my mouth and was taking awhile to dry... I also have to use more than the review-ers said I did. Like, it's in a tiny ass bottle, I don't want to use a bunch! Guess what I noticed after I got it? That It says to use lip primer. Who even freaking knows what lip primer is!!! Not me, I guess!! Well, now I only have 1 dollar, which I'm assuming is not enough for some damn lip primer. My question is, why didn't any of the reviews tell me this beforehand? Like, I knew that it might run the my skin cracks a little, whatever, my Serpentina Lime Crime does the same thing. This girl in one of my classes told me today that it's just the OCC color I got... I don't really know what to think. That kind of sucks, but I still got a bad impression. Of course I'm going to gather some money together and buy some lip primer, but I'm a little bit shitty that I have to go through all of that. I may be a makeup connoisseur, but I am not a makeup professional!

Here it is. 

8 miles high and falling fast

A few things have been brought to my attention lately that make me wonder why people are so blind to reality. Or maybe I'm just confused and it's me that's not seeing things the way they are.

I was sitting in AP Art History last week, trying my hardest to not fall asleep, when we looked at a picture of Jesus kissing Judas. I guess Judas said, "the man I kiss is Jesus" or something like that blah blah. Well, there are a lot of these pictures of them kissing. Jesus thought nothing of Judas kissing him. He wasn't like, "Ew dude gross! That's freakin' gay, man!" If Jesus didn't mind kissing other men, WHY ARE CHRISTIANS SO AGAINST GAY PEOPLE? I literally don't understand! Am I missing something? Do I not know what I'm talking about??? I was only in Art History, not bible studies, but we still talked about! I asked my uber conservative, Christian friend who sits next to me, "Jesus just kissed a dude. Why do you hate gay people so much?" He couldn't really give me an answer, only excuses. "Well, well, Judas kissed him on the CHEEK. That's how he told on him!" umm, okay? I don't know about the cheek thing, but even so, Jesus gave no fucks about it! A kiss is a kiss is a kiss, y'know? I mean that was literally homosexual of them, but Christians hate homosexuals? I'm baffled. Awe-struck. Words like that. 

My friend made a status the other day, that went: "Under age drinkers who hate pot-smokers need a reality check." ... I was stuck for a minute. That is so goddamn true. Now, it's not only Catholic kids, but I know a fuckton of Catholic kids that are like this. I can't even tell you how many times I've tried to talk to them and tell them how much worse alcohol is for you. The main reply out of the few I get is, "Booze is legal and pot isn't so it can't be worse for you." Are you fucking kidding me? Is this a joke? Pinch me. I'm dreaming. No, punch me. The sad thing is, I don't know if you CAN give people like this a reality check. People don't want to be wrong, and they don't want to think what their parents and their government are telling them is a lie. Sorry lil homie, life is full of lies and you being wrong. It's not even like I'm a pothead, but I sure as fuck don't drink. I take enough Advil and prescription meds to ruin my liver. Haha. (the pills are prescribed to me, I'm not saying I abuse pills.) I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to suede their opinions and change what their doing, but most of all I just want them to be aware of what the fuck is going into their body and that they can't believe everything they see on Fox News. 

Some people stand like trees, without a word

I have a confession to make. I went to my first "local show" (if that's what you want to call it) last night. I used to be like "I'm not a faggot I don't go to shows!" But, man, I loved it. I'm not much of a dancer, but when people starting moshing I jumped right in. I definitely got a little bruised, but nothing serious whatsoever. (that's a word.) And quite honestly, I like getting into fights where I become covered in bruises and scrapes. It's so fun! Pain is nothing to be scared of. I don't really know the first band that played, but I liked Apathy Wizards and Automagik. I'm surprised I enjoyed the experience at all. I don't completely take back my statements about faggots and losers! Sometimes I'm just a faggot and a loser. Also, it all really depends on the person (common sense life lesson of the day.) This girl in ponytails kept trying to get me and my friends to join in and dance, which I thought was really sweet, even though it annoyed my friends, who happened to be two boys. Well, one is more than a friend. I don't know why it mattered that these girls were dancing and trying to bring people in. They're just trynna do them! Or at least the girl with the ponytails was just trynna do her. She warmed my heart. Some girl wore a skirt, and I was like "ohhh noooo! That is not good!" She also ended up throwing up a shitton of water after the show, but I don't think that was exactly related to the skirt problem. You can't mosh or dance in a tight skirt from Forever 21! Sure, you CAN but it's not advised and not pleasant. Unless, of course, you want to show your ass. There needs to be a little ass showing every once in awhile. After the show when we were waiting on our friend to give us a ride, I talked to this boy about the Gorillaz. It was a really nice conversation, and I didn't even know him! This is what I've been looking for; being social and meeting new people.

I have more good news! I saw Mike Tyson's Undisputed Truth. It was seriously so beautiful. And surprisingly casual! People kept yelling to him onstage and if he could hear them, he would reply. One time someone took a picture of him, and he goes: "Ey! No taking pictures! I'm just kidding," *strikes pose*. I was crackin' up. But you also really got a feel for his struggles, too. He mentioned his daughter that died and his cocaine addiction. Granted, most of it was humorous, towards the end it did get sad. I almost cried! Almost! Kind of! I'm pretty sure he cried on stage, but don't quote me on that. I was on the balcony. Hearing about all the bad and good things he did, then the bad things he was accused of, it was just a really enlightening experience. I'd suggest this show to anyone. I felt like one of those personal stories one of your relatives would tell you. Nothing about it seemed superficial or fake. I honestly didn't want him to stop talking.