I could never be your woman.

I was in Chicago for the weekend! Let me tell you, I may be 15, but $140 is not enough for shopping in Chicago at all. I didn't even go anywhere designer. Do I look like I can afford anything designer? No. I can afford Elle magazines in the mail every month where i flip through the pages dreaming one day I will be able to afford designer. Ha. I was so excited to actually have more than a hundred dollars in my wallet, but the first night we go to Michigan Ave, where I head into Top Shop and I want to cry. I felt so poor. You know what I need? A job. This weekly allowance is not enough to pay my bills! Well, not my bills. My shopping habit. Stealing is not really something I want to pick up, either. Even the stores that they have where I live, don't carry the same things in Chicago. This is the first time I've been to Chicago and could actually appreciate what was going on and where I was. I think i went when I was 7.
I'm so excited to get started on painting, because we went to the Shedd Aquarium and I took pictures of Jellies that I want to paint!

Aren't they, like, super cute?

I just love Jellies so much! My favorite part is calling them "Jellies" and not "Jellyfish". I took this from my iPhone, which did a waaayyyy better job than my camera. That makes me a little sad inside.
One part that I dislike about Chicago is that I get so tired walking everywhere, yet I can't call my mom to just tell her to pick me up really quick. No. Bitches don't drive in Chicago. That doesn't change the fact that I'm still too lazy to walk any further, though.
I don't think I appreciate art as much as some people do. If I think it's ugly and boring, I can't stare at it and be like "WOW. Look at dem brush strokes. Oh gosh. Ooooh gosh." It won't take me long to go through an art museum because I don't need to look at one painting for ten minutes. I do, though, enjoy modern art. It catches my interest a lot more. I, myself, enjoy drawing and painting, but I prefer to look at people's sculptures. Those are so much more interesting to me. But If I had to choose something to look at for hours, it would be nature. I like looking at the ocean, and the sky, and animals. Animals are just so cute and do the darndest things! My computer shows that "darndest" isn't a word but I swear I've heard people use it before.

I could sleep

There's something about shopping at the mall too much that genuinely scares me. So many people shop at the mall. Which also means, so many people shop at about the same three of four stores. We could also all own a lot of the same clothes. What if we all start to look alike? I'm not angry at that thought, or even annoyed. I'm scared. I'm frightened that everyone might look the same. I'm sure I'm overreacting but it's one of those thoughts that keeps coming back and you don't know why because it SHOULD mean nothing to you yet it's there all the time, lurking in the back of your mind every time you see kids your age or hear your friends talk about going shopping. I used to have a nice thrift store by my house but it closed down out of nowhere. I'm thinking the mob was involved. I did not say the store name so there will be no mob tracking me down to catch me!

The past couple of nights I've been dreaming about blush. I really want blush, but i wasn't quite aware I wanted it THAT bad. If it's bad enough to have dreams about it, you know it's some serious shit.

Something good, besides me no longer looking like a hot mess, has come from me re-dying my roots! I had this pale-pink with glitter nail polish on my nails. Coloring my hair also meant coloring my nail polish. You'd think they would turn purple, but they didn't! They have a baby blue color on them, and in some spots pink shows through a little. You can also see the sparkles perfectly! It's so cute. I feel like a snow princess on one hand. I've already tried taking a bunch of pictures of my hand in different poses with different types of flash (I'm too lazy to change rooms for a variety of lighting) and none of them do my snow princess hand any justice. So, I'll leave it to your imagination.

You'll always find us out to lunch

I'm on my friend's computer while she's in the shower and don't tell her but I added a Sex Pistols station to her Pandora. I should be in a punk band. Me and my boyfriend are going to have one later on, and it'll just be us two. He's gonna play the acoustic guitar and I will play the cello. We will be so bad, we're awesome. It all makes so much sense. It's funny because the Ramones are such a popular band but all their songs sound damnear the exact same. The thing about Ramones' fans is; they know this. Yet, it doesn't bother them at all. They all know that the Ramones have really only two or three songs. People say the same about the Sex Pistols, but it's just not as intense and in your face as the Ramones are. I'm not too deep into punk yet, but I'm getting there.

About halfway down my head and beyond, my hair is a pretty fuchsia color, but my bangs are a dirty green/blonde that i detest with every molecule in my body and if I could use other molecules to hate with, I would. I think it looks gross. It's like I don't know how to color my hair. I don't care if people don't like my hair for what it's supposed to look like, but if it doesn't look like how I want it to, that's when I get self-conscious. If I don't even like it, how can I expect anyone else to? I don't want to keep re-dying it with the color I have so I'll just wait a few more weeks and get Adore then use that on my hair. I'll probably go back brown or so when school starts. I never wear heavy makeup, or my nose ring, or odd colors in my hair when I'm in school. Only when I'm out of school. I don't really have much of a reason except that it makes me feel uncomfortable in school to have my nose ring down or to have a shit ton of makeup. I mean, no one says anything rude. In fact, most people compliment me. There's just a shake-y feeling in my ribs that makes me want to run to the bathroom and redo my makeup and take my nose ring out. Which is really saying something because I steer clear of the bathroom as much as I can. If I have to pee, I have to make sure it's in that awkward time in the period so I know that no other girls are in there. Sure, there are girls in there sometimes, but it takes me like fucking five minutes to pee because I'm so nervous, and let me tell YOU, I don't even sit on the toilet seat! So can you imagine how sore my legs are by the time I'm actually done peeing? It could be a workout routine I have for myself. Go to the bathroom when there are girls in there so you are stuck in the squat position for seven minutes.
... How did I even get started talking about that.... Nevermind I don't care.

Where is my mind?

I have an iPhone and i can honestly say i spend too much time on it doing nothing. I don't spend as much time as some people, but i definitely spend more than i feel i should. Hell, i'm writing this post from my phone now. I always feel guilty spending time on my phone. I'm like "Sydney. You can be doing other more productive things that don't involve technology whatsoever. Like painting. Or reading. Or cleaning your room you said you'd clean three weeks ago but still have yet to do." I agree with myself on all of this, and i know i'm doing NOTHING on my phone, but i'll be like "okay just let me check Twitter once more then i'll set my phone down." Nothing new is on Twitter, but I stay on my phone for another 20 minutes anyway. I don't understand. I know that I can be doing other stuff, but i stay on anyway? The same goes for the computer. I try to make myself feel better by reading Cracked articles from my phone and being like "good job, Sydney! You're reading!" but it's not the same at all. I almost wish i didn't have an iPhone just so i didn't even have the opportunity to get caught up in it. But, I do. And I'm not complaining all THAT much. Having a smart phone is a gift and a curse.

Get The Cool Shoe Shine

I promise I'll try to stay here for awhile. I haven't done a very good job being consistent.. with anything. I'm just a kid but I feel like I get bored with things too easily. I'm trying to get better, though!

At the beginning of school my hair was a dark brown, and I kept it that way all through school. I only re-dyed it once, just to match my natural hair better because my roots were getting long. I tried so hard to get it healthy, and I think I succeeded! but the first weekend of summer came along and I wanted to be blonde like last summer. Well, I bleached my hair but because it's so thick and long, I needed more than one bottle... I should've known. It turned out orange. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised or that I didn't have this little thought in the back of my mind telling me this would happen.

I'm stylin' with my Betsey Johnson glasses

 Look at my roots. They're hella blonde. I don't know whether it's a good thing or not, but they'll stay that way when I add purple to my hair.

This picture was the day after I dyed my hair purple, I'm sure you can tell if you take a closer look at my hands. I used N Rage's Purple Plum (Even though I wanted Adore's Purple Rage. I guess the lady at the store didn't understand when my stepdad went to go get it.) I was planning on going purple later this summer, but I changed my mind when I saw the way my hair turned out after the one bottle of bleach. I didn't want to keep bleaching it because it'd get so damaged after I worked for a whole year to get it healthy again, and with damage comes a disgusting layer of frizz on my hair. So, instead of bleaching it more, I just decided to go ahead and put the purple in early. But I learned my lesson and bought two bottles of the purple! Even though I have plenty left over... I guess I'll just use it to re-do my roots.

It's funny because the purple stayed on my hands, neck, and back for about a week. (It's a week today.) the color on my neck and hands went away yesterday but I still have a stripe of purple down my back because it washes out in the shower a little bit every time i get in. It concerns me a little bit that this is happening, but I'll let it be and if the bleeding continues, I'll change my shampoo. But I really like my Burts Bees shampoo. :(

Burn down the disco.

It's been awhile, hasn't it? You might've though, "she probably died," but then you would be wrong! I haven't died yet, nor will I ever. (I decided that the other day.) I was thinking to myself, "self, you haven't blogged in quite a long time, you should get back to that. You don't have to be consistent with the topics, you can write about whatever you want!" And that last sentence is what gave me the confidence to continue blogging.

I bought a new nose ring yesterday.

it's pink.

Today was picture day, and I had two outfits in mind I could've wore. They both consisted of clothes I've bought recently at vintage stores near my house. But, that, sadly, was when I had money. (about two days ago.) Whenever I get money, it seems to disappear.

I got so many compliments. I was like, "oh gosh! thank youu :']" It was a good day. Most of the Freshmen, which is the grade I'm in, were too dressy, at least in my opinion. One girl even came in a prom-type dress... Just walking down the halls you can see that most of the upperclassmen knew how to dress cool without making it too much. I liked that. I want to be an upperclassmen. :(

Now, I wonder, I wonder what she would say

I always look at myself in the mirror and I think, "I'm so cute!" I just smile at myself in the mirror, make crazy faces, sing, think about how adorable I am. Those thoughts never leave the mirror, though. Once I've sucked myself out, I go on with my day, only thinking about my face if I've just eaten and I think I have food on it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think I'm pretty cute, but I don't let that get to my head. I don't think everyone else thinks I'm cute. I don't even really care if they think I'm pretty or not. My thoughts are that everyone should feel this way. I hate it so much when people are insecure about the way they look. I don't see why there is any reason for a person to be insecure about the way they look unless it is actually a health hazard or something. I see my friends all the time going, "I wish I was as pretty as you. I'm not cute at all." UHHH. okay? I don't argue with people who say things like that because they probably want attention and that's not the way to get it. I don't see how people can not think they're pretty. Of course, we all have those days, or when you first wake up, see yourself, and think, "who's that crackhead?" But all the time? I feel bad for them.