Paranoia strikes deep.

What kind of blog do you take me for? Looking at the last few posts I might say a boring one. But I have exciting news, now!

Don't you love when you order something online and you expect it on a certain date, but it comes earlier? You see a package in front of your house and the first thing that comes to mind is, "moveeee, bitch, get out da wayyy!" But, you try to refrain from saying that because your mom is probably around. So you just jump out of the car extra early, snatch your package, then yell at your mom to hurry up and unlock the door so you can open the package in a more suspenseful way. What if the package doesn't have your name on it? Well, then you just kind of throw it on the ground and step on it because NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR PACKAGE. The omg-my-package-came-early feeling is just as good as the omg-where-the-hell-is-my-package feeling is bad. That has also happened to me, and I literally threw a tantrum everyday. Okay, not really because that's weird, but I wanted to. That's what it felt like on the inside! Though I'm sure most can relate. Unless you aren't a total bitch. (tuh.) 

I got my OCC Lip Tar!! I got the Feathered one! It's white. It's a lot smaller than I expected, but I heard you didn't have to use that much, sooooo, whatever I guess. You best believe I looked up hella reviews on this stuff before I bought it. (I only had 17 in my checking account and the Lip Tar is 16... I must spend wisely.) Every source pointed to this being THAT SHIT. (in a good way.) So I go to put it on and it definitely shows my lip color under it... I mean, from far away it's just like "white lips!" but not even that up close you can tell... Maybe I'm just liquid-lipstick-tarded, but it also kept getting all on the outside of my mouth and was taking awhile to dry... I also have to use more than the review-ers said I did. Like, it's in a tiny ass bottle, I don't want to use a bunch! Guess what I noticed after I got it? That It says to use lip primer. Who even freaking knows what lip primer is!!! Not me, I guess!! Well, now I only have 1 dollar, which I'm assuming is not enough for some damn lip primer. My question is, why didn't any of the reviews tell me this beforehand? Like, I knew that it might run the my skin cracks a little, whatever, my Serpentina Lime Crime does the same thing. This girl in one of my classes told me today that it's just the OCC color I got... I don't really know what to think. That kind of sucks, but I still got a bad impression. Of course I'm going to gather some money together and buy some lip primer, but I'm a little bit shitty that I have to go through all of that. I may be a makeup connoisseur, but I am not a makeup professional!

Here it is. 

8 miles high and falling fast

A few things have been brought to my attention lately that make me wonder why people are so blind to reality. Or maybe I'm just confused and it's me that's not seeing things the way they are.

I was sitting in AP Art History last week, trying my hardest to not fall asleep, when we looked at a picture of Jesus kissing Judas. I guess Judas said, "the man I kiss is Jesus" or something like that blah blah. Well, there are a lot of these pictures of them kissing. Jesus thought nothing of Judas kissing him. He wasn't like, "Ew dude gross! That's freakin' gay, man!" If Jesus didn't mind kissing other men, WHY ARE CHRISTIANS SO AGAINST GAY PEOPLE? I literally don't understand! Am I missing something? Do I not know what I'm talking about??? I was only in Art History, not bible studies, but we still talked about! I asked my uber conservative, Christian friend who sits next to me, "Jesus just kissed a dude. Why do you hate gay people so much?" He couldn't really give me an answer, only excuses. "Well, well, Judas kissed him on the CHEEK. That's how he told on him!" umm, okay? I don't know about the cheek thing, but even so, Jesus gave no fucks about it! A kiss is a kiss is a kiss, y'know? I mean that was literally homosexual of them, but Christians hate homosexuals? I'm baffled. Awe-struck. Words like that. 

My friend made a status the other day, that went: "Under age drinkers who hate pot-smokers need a reality check." ... I was stuck for a minute. That is so goddamn true. Now, it's not only Catholic kids, but I know a fuckton of Catholic kids that are like this. I can't even tell you how many times I've tried to talk to them and tell them how much worse alcohol is for you. The main reply out of the few I get is, "Booze is legal and pot isn't so it can't be worse for you." Are you fucking kidding me? Is this a joke? Pinch me. I'm dreaming. No, punch me. The sad thing is, I don't know if you CAN give people like this a reality check. People don't want to be wrong, and they don't want to think what their parents and their government are telling them is a lie. Sorry lil homie, life is full of lies and you being wrong. It's not even like I'm a pothead, but I sure as fuck don't drink. I take enough Advil and prescription meds to ruin my liver. Haha. (the pills are prescribed to me, I'm not saying I abuse pills.) I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to suede their opinions and change what their doing, but most of all I just want them to be aware of what the fuck is going into their body and that they can't believe everything they see on Fox News. 

Some people stand like trees, without a word

I have a confession to make. I went to my first "local show" (if that's what you want to call it) last night. I used to be like "I'm not a faggot I don't go to shows!" But, man, I loved it. I'm not much of a dancer, but when people starting moshing I jumped right in. I definitely got a little bruised, but nothing serious whatsoever. (that's a word.) And quite honestly, I like getting into fights where I become covered in bruises and scrapes. It's so fun! Pain is nothing to be scared of. I don't really know the first band that played, but I liked Apathy Wizards and Automagik. I'm surprised I enjoyed the experience at all. I don't completely take back my statements about faggots and losers! Sometimes I'm just a faggot and a loser. Also, it all really depends on the person (common sense life lesson of the day.) This girl in ponytails kept trying to get me and my friends to join in and dance, which I thought was really sweet, even though it annoyed my friends, who happened to be two boys. Well, one is more than a friend. I don't know why it mattered that these girls were dancing and trying to bring people in. They're just trynna do them! Or at least the girl with the ponytails was just trynna do her. She warmed my heart. Some girl wore a skirt, and I was like "ohhh noooo! That is not good!" She also ended up throwing up a shitton of water after the show, but I don't think that was exactly related to the skirt problem. You can't mosh or dance in a tight skirt from Forever 21! Sure, you CAN but it's not advised and not pleasant. Unless, of course, you want to show your ass. There needs to be a little ass showing every once in awhile. After the show when we were waiting on our friend to give us a ride, I talked to this boy about the Gorillaz. It was a really nice conversation, and I didn't even know him! This is what I've been looking for; being social and meeting new people.

I have more good news! I saw Mike Tyson's Undisputed Truth. It was seriously so beautiful. And surprisingly casual! People kept yelling to him onstage and if he could hear them, he would reply. One time someone took a picture of him, and he goes: "Ey! No taking pictures! I'm just kidding," *strikes pose*. I was crackin' up. But you also really got a feel for his struggles, too. He mentioned his daughter that died and his cocaine addiction. Granted, most of it was humorous, towards the end it did get sad. I almost cried! Almost! Kind of! I'm pretty sure he cried on stage, but don't quote me on that. I was on the balcony. Hearing about all the bad and good things he did, then the bad things he was accused of, it was just a really enlightening experience. I'd suggest this show to anyone. I felt like one of those personal stories one of your relatives would tell you. Nothing about it seemed superficial or fake. I honestly didn't want him to stop talking.

The more silence, the more coffins.

I think of a lot really nice things to blog about, or I'll be having a discussion with someone and think, "I should blog about this!" It never gets done due to the fact that I can't remember a damn thing. I've been so absent-minded lately. It started right after I started getting sleep again. Which is a little depressing, because I couldn't sleep for so long, then once I start sleeping well, I can't remember shit. I should probably just start carrying around a notebook.

But at least I spent the weekend in a cabin far away from my house and no bra on. I do what I want. Horses smell really bad and all they want to do is nibble on my hand, but I loves dem anyway. I don't understand how someone can be introduced to an animal and not instantly fall in love. That is pretty much the story of my life. Before we left I wanted to pet the horses again, and my friend was like "but it's raining." My reply was so genius, we'll ignore the fact it took me a few minutes to come up with: "Even in rain, my love for horses will shine through." Is that NOT the most beautiful phrase you've heard? I'm proud of myself. I could almost be a poet. Well, maybe not.

The only night we spent there, me and my friend made a fire outside (duh), except the wood was so wet we had to cheat and buy a duralog to start the fire out. We still got it to work, though! Spending so much time in nature, chillin killin, warms my heart. I think when I'm older I'm going to buy a house way out in the woods away from everyone. I will chop my own wood for fire and sing to animals like Snow White. I never liked Snow White, but I want to sing and clean with animals. Let's just hope these animals don't try to nibble on me.

my friend on da way dere.

awww cabin how cute

While we're here talking about nature, maybe I should post some adorable pictures I have recently taken of nature. My friend once said, so well, "I don't believe in taking pictures of the sky because there is no way you can capture all the beauty there really is. You will never get the complete experience unless you actually look at the sky." Or something like that, but still, that's what she meant. I was like "ohmygod you are so right wowwwww." I was awestruck. Hey! That's actually a word! 

LOOK! BUTTERFLY AND CATERPILLAR ON DA SAME FLOWER.

Literally don't know how I took pictures so pretty

I have a nice camera (it's not on dat photographer status, doe) but I don't think I could be a photographer. That shit is a lot harder than you think! 

White flag, white flag

I wish I had a funny quote to open up this post, but I just don't. I might think of one later on and it will just go in the middle of two sentences, not making any sense. Shounds good.

Have you ever taken the wrong medication before school? Or just not even taken your medicine at all? That shit can kill a person's whole day. Especially if you forgot your depression medicine or something, cause even though it shouldn't make you feel any different after missing one day, you subconsciously start to feel all depressed and sad once you realize you forgot it. That's not what happened to me though. The other day, I think Thursday, I accidentally took my sleeping medication in the morning. Imagine some kid sitting in class looking like they're about to fall out of their seat, but he/she is trying to hard to stay awake they look like a blow-up person who's supposed to look stoned as hell; eyes 80% closed, and they keep swaying. THAT WAS ME. I was trying so hard to be like "I gotta pay attention!" The lights were off because we were looking at a powerpoint, and the class is boring anyway, it was just a wreck. My friend kept laughing at me and finally it clicked, I must've taken the wrong medication. As soon as I stepped into my house (not really, I got something to eat first.) I checked my medication, and sure enough I had taken my sleeping pills. I'm at least proud of myself for not completely dying in every class.

Have you ever wanted to do something so bad, and your parents don't think you can prove yourself, so they don't let you? That's the worst feeling ever. How do you show them you really are ready to pick up this expensive hobby, and stick with it? I want to learn the cello so bad, but the problem is, I tried to learn the cello in the 7th grade, and after a few months I stopped getting lessons (for miscellaneous reasons, not all my fault.) and my beautiful singing instrument sat in the corner of my room, not being touched by anything except maybe the cat. We were renting the cello, and it took us a long time to finally get around to taking it back (you know how parents are) which racked up unnecessary bills. Well, now I want to really learn this time, I PROMISE, but they don't want the same thing to happen again. Okay, sure, I see where they're coming from, but I know that I will actually try this time. They don't believe me. That's where my question comes in, how do I prove to them that I really want to pick this up again? Continually do my chores around the house is not proving a damn thing. I don't have any other instruments I've learned to show for it, either. I can't think of really anything I can do other than just get the damn cello and show them when I have it. Life don't make no sense.