I'm just a girl.

It's sad to say but I decided that I'm going to go back to brown hair for when school starts. I love my purple, I truly, truly, do. But it's a lot to keep up with because the roots always fade, and it's very damaging. I think it will just be best if I go back to brown and leave it alone for awhile. I'll miss it a lot, but I'm doing what's best for my hair. God, it sounds like I'm leaving somebody.
More than anything I want fake nails. I want them to look fake, too. They must have pretty flowers and jewels! But only a medium length. Long nails would look scary on me. They will be light pink and maybe purple. Oh, I am soooo excited! Who knows if I'll even get them, but that doesn't matter right now because just thinking of them makes me happy! Then I get sad because I think about my bindis, and how I lost them. I had a little bag filled with four packs of bindis, and I don't know where my little bag is. My room is a complete disaster, so I'm sure they're in here somewhere, but I'm still so sad thinking about them
You know what else makes me sad? Mortal Kombat. That's one of my favorite games ever, but I tried to play on Story Mode and I got to the last level (I think? I hope.) and I can't beat the Shao Kahn with Raiden. I couldn't even estimate how many times my boyfriend, my step-dad, and I have tried to beat him. We just keep playing over and over until they won't let me play anymore because I get so upset. Video games make me very emotional. My step-dad said he would buy me a head set for Call of Duty; Black Ops because he thinks it's funny when I yell at people, so it MUST be even funnier if they could hear me yelling. I admit, I would love them to hear me yelling. Sometimes they just don't get the message if i knife them or other crazy shit i do to them to get on their nerves because they don't know how to fucking play a game correctly. Now, I'm definitely not saying that I'm the best player out there, but I know what to do well enough and I know common curtesy.
I hate advertising myself on other websites. Like, when someone makes a status "Follow me on twitter!" or stuff like that. Sure, I will put up a link if you so CHOOSE to want to find my other accounts on other social networking websites, but I don't really feel comfortable shoving it in people's faces. I don't even have a link to my blog on my Twitter, but I'm thinking about putting it there. Right now there's a link to my Tumblr on there, but if they come here, they will find a link to my Tumblr. Not that I need people I know following my Tumblr. I'm not even sure if I want people who know me to see my blog. Decisions, decisions. Give me a few days and I will have my mind made up! Not that it really matters. Maybe it does. But for now, I'm telling myself it doesn't.

I have something very important to say and I probably won't even go into that much detail. I am against drugs. I don't do drugs, and I don't drink. I understand if maybe people are having a big party, or on New Years Eve want to smoke or drink a little, okay whatever. But doing hardcore drugs and other stuff all the time, like every day or every weekend, it's just too much. You don't know what you're consuming. You don't know if your body can handle it. You really don't know anything about what you are about to put into your body except for that it is probably going to make you feel different. Different good or different bad? You don't know. People take so much risk and put their faith into something that shouldn't hold their trust. Most people do it to fit in. They think it's a social thing. fuck you, and what you think you need to do for others. And if anyone tries to convince me to do some drugs, fuck them, friend or not. That's wrong. Someone who's like "You don't do drugs? Wow you're lame," or "Hey, why don't you do drugs anymore? That's ignorant. They aren't that bad. Just do some with me. Don't act like that," are just as ignorant and aggravating as those who judge people because they DO do drugs. Just leave people alone.

I could never be your woman.

I was in Chicago for the weekend! Let me tell you, I may be 15, but $140 is not enough for shopping in Chicago at all. I didn't even go anywhere designer. Do I look like I can afford anything designer? No. I can afford Elle magazines in the mail every month where i flip through the pages dreaming one day I will be able to afford designer. Ha. I was so excited to actually have more than a hundred dollars in my wallet, but the first night we go to Michigan Ave, where I head into Top Shop and I want to cry. I felt so poor. You know what I need? A job. This weekly allowance is not enough to pay my bills! Well, not my bills. My shopping habit. Stealing is not really something I want to pick up, either. Even the stores that they have where I live, don't carry the same things in Chicago. This is the first time I've been to Chicago and could actually appreciate what was going on and where I was. I think i went when I was 7.
I'm so excited to get started on painting, because we went to the Shedd Aquarium and I took pictures of Jellies that I want to paint!

Aren't they, like, super cute?

I just love Jellies so much! My favorite part is calling them "Jellies" and not "Jellyfish". I took this from my iPhone, which did a waaayyyy better job than my camera. That makes me a little sad inside.
One part that I dislike about Chicago is that I get so tired walking everywhere, yet I can't call my mom to just tell her to pick me up really quick. No. Bitches don't drive in Chicago. That doesn't change the fact that I'm still too lazy to walk any further, though.
I don't think I appreciate art as much as some people do. If I think it's ugly and boring, I can't stare at it and be like "WOW. Look at dem brush strokes. Oh gosh. Ooooh gosh." It won't take me long to go through an art museum because I don't need to look at one painting for ten minutes. I do, though, enjoy modern art. It catches my interest a lot more. I, myself, enjoy drawing and painting, but I prefer to look at people's sculptures. Those are so much more interesting to me. But If I had to choose something to look at for hours, it would be nature. I like looking at the ocean, and the sky, and animals. Animals are just so cute and do the darndest things! My computer shows that "darndest" isn't a word but I swear I've heard people use it before.

I could sleep

There's something about shopping at the mall too much that genuinely scares me. So many people shop at the mall. Which also means, so many people shop at about the same three of four stores. We could also all own a lot of the same clothes. What if we all start to look alike? I'm not angry at that thought, or even annoyed. I'm scared. I'm frightened that everyone might look the same. I'm sure I'm overreacting but it's one of those thoughts that keeps coming back and you don't know why because it SHOULD mean nothing to you yet it's there all the time, lurking in the back of your mind every time you see kids your age or hear your friends talk about going shopping. I used to have a nice thrift store by my house but it closed down out of nowhere. I'm thinking the mob was involved. I did not say the store name so there will be no mob tracking me down to catch me!

The past couple of nights I've been dreaming about blush. I really want blush, but i wasn't quite aware I wanted it THAT bad. If it's bad enough to have dreams about it, you know it's some serious shit.

Something good, besides me no longer looking like a hot mess, has come from me re-dying my roots! I had this pale-pink with glitter nail polish on my nails. Coloring my hair also meant coloring my nail polish. You'd think they would turn purple, but they didn't! They have a baby blue color on them, and in some spots pink shows through a little. You can also see the sparkles perfectly! It's so cute. I feel like a snow princess on one hand. I've already tried taking a bunch of pictures of my hand in different poses with different types of flash (I'm too lazy to change rooms for a variety of lighting) and none of them do my snow princess hand any justice. So, I'll leave it to your imagination.

You'll always find us out to lunch

I'm on my friend's computer while she's in the shower and don't tell her but I added a Sex Pistols station to her Pandora. I should be in a punk band. Me and my boyfriend are going to have one later on, and it'll just be us two. He's gonna play the acoustic guitar and I will play the cello. We will be so bad, we're awesome. It all makes so much sense. It's funny because the Ramones are such a popular band but all their songs sound damnear the exact same. The thing about Ramones' fans is; they know this. Yet, it doesn't bother them at all. They all know that the Ramones have really only two or three songs. People say the same about the Sex Pistols, but it's just not as intense and in your face as the Ramones are. I'm not too deep into punk yet, but I'm getting there.

About halfway down my head and beyond, my hair is a pretty fuchsia color, but my bangs are a dirty green/blonde that i detest with every molecule in my body and if I could use other molecules to hate with, I would. I think it looks gross. It's like I don't know how to color my hair. I don't care if people don't like my hair for what it's supposed to look like, but if it doesn't look like how I want it to, that's when I get self-conscious. If I don't even like it, how can I expect anyone else to? I don't want to keep re-dying it with the color I have so I'll just wait a few more weeks and get Adore then use that on my hair. I'll probably go back brown or so when school starts. I never wear heavy makeup, or my nose ring, or odd colors in my hair when I'm in school. Only when I'm out of school. I don't really have much of a reason except that it makes me feel uncomfortable in school to have my nose ring down or to have a shit ton of makeup. I mean, no one says anything rude. In fact, most people compliment me. There's just a shake-y feeling in my ribs that makes me want to run to the bathroom and redo my makeup and take my nose ring out. Which is really saying something because I steer clear of the bathroom as much as I can. If I have to pee, I have to make sure it's in that awkward time in the period so I know that no other girls are in there. Sure, there are girls in there sometimes, but it takes me like fucking five minutes to pee because I'm so nervous, and let me tell YOU, I don't even sit on the toilet seat! So can you imagine how sore my legs are by the time I'm actually done peeing? It could be a workout routine I have for myself. Go to the bathroom when there are girls in there so you are stuck in the squat position for seven minutes.
... How did I even get started talking about that.... Nevermind I don't care.